For
those struggling with the ability to forgive offenses, betrayals, violations,
and wrongs done to them by others whether it be a close family member or
friend, a spouse, or even a total stranger, I came across an item from the
Christian Post which makes some great and valid points about what it means to forgive
those who have offended or wronged us in some way, even in ways most terrible
and which most might deem unforgivable.
In
his piece, Christian Post contributor George Arkhurst stated that the reason
why forgiveness sounds like simply letting the perpetrator of an offense off
the hook to many people is has to do with how forgiveness is understood:
One
reason people resist forgiveness is that they misunderstand what it requires.
Does
forgiving someone mean that the offense was acceptable? Does it mean forgetting
what happened? Does it mean restoring the relationship to the way it was before
the injury?
Not
necessarily.
Forgiveness
does not change the facts of the past. It doesn't make wrongdoing right, nor
automatically restore trust. Trust depends on more than a decision to forgive;
it also depends on the other person's willingness to change.
Similarly,
forgiveness does not require reconciliation in every situation. Reconciliation
involves rebuilding a relationship, which requires participation from both
parties. A person can forgive without returning to an unhealthy relationship.
They can release resentment without abandoning their boundaries.
These
distinctions are important because people should not be pressured into
situations that compromise their safety in the name of forgiveness…
From
a Christian perspective, forgiveness is more than a practical strategy for
managing difficult relationships. It is a fundamental principle of the faith.
In
Matthew 6:14–15, Jesus emphasizes forgiving others. Ephesians 4:32 encourages
believers to be kind, compassionate, and forgiving toward one another,
following the example of God's forgiveness in Christ.
These
teachings present forgiveness as essential to Christian conduct. However, they
also raise a question worth careful consideration: How can people be expected
to practice forgiveness when they struggle to overcome the pain others have
caused?
The
answer begins with understanding that forgiveness is not necessarily the same
as an immediate disappearance of painful emotions. A person may sincerely
decide to forgive and still need time to work through grief, disappointment, or
anger.
Nor
should biblical teaching on forgiveness be used to silence people who have
experienced serious wrongdoing.
The
Christian message calls people to reject vengeance and extend mercy, but it
does not require them to pretend that evil is good or that harmful conduct
should go unchallenged.
Indeed,
teaching forgiveness without explaining its purpose can leave people feeling
condemned for struggling with the very principle they are being encouraged to
embrace.
If
forgiveness is intended to bring freedom, it must be taught in a way that helps
people understand that freedom rather than making them feel trapped by another
obligation…
Although
forgiveness can be valuable, we must avoid presenting it as an instant remedy
for every emotional wound.
Some
offenses are minor and may be resolved through an honest conversation and a
willingness to move forward. Others involve deep betrayal, prolonged
mistreatment, or traumatic experiences that require considerable time and
support to process.
In
such circumstances, telling someone simply to forgive may overlook the
complexity of their experience.
Forgiveness
should not become a tool to protect offenders from accountability or to
pressure victims to remain silent. Nor should it suggest that those who
struggle to forgive are responsible for the harm they suffered.
At
the same time, the difficulty of forgiveness should not cause us to dismiss its
potential value.
The
key distinction is between encouraging forgiveness and forcing people to act as
though they no longer hurt. Genuine progress requires honesty about the injury,
an understanding of what forgiveness means, and the freedom to establish
appropriate boundaries. [1]
Forgiveness
should not be expected to take place overnight and especially when it comes to
tremendous offenses that have caused deep and enormous harm and anguish, but is
a process that takes time but forgiveness begins with a conscious decision to
forgive any and all offenses done no matter how difficult that might be or the
length of the process.
It
does not mean a disregard of the pain the offense caused, no matter how severe,
nor does it necessarily mean that the offender escapes accountability; we just simply
accept that they will face justice soon enough.
And even if the offender did face swift justice, it might bring a sense
of satisfaction and closure for the moment, but it will never rid you of the
damage of the offense that was caused nor would it ever bring you the peace
that truly need.
What
forgiveness does do is help us move past the offense, to not become consumed
with the anger and the bitterness caused by the offense, but to let it subside. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean
immediate reconciliation with the offender; that depends on the offender’s
willingness to demonstrate sincere change and reconciliation is also in and of
itself a process that takes time.
People
seem to underestimate how liberating forgiveness actually is, and what a
captivity and bondage the harboring of unforgiveness is. Forgiveness is a liberating act not just for
the offender but even for the one offended; it enables both to move past the
offense and to move forward with both of their lives, but harboring
unforgiveness just keeps a person consumed with anger and bitterness which they
carry into their relationships and which they tend to project onto the people
around them.
It
is impossible for those consumed with anger and bitterness to maintain a stable
and secure relationship because the harboring of unforgiveness prevents the one
consumed by it from being able to both love others as they should and to be
able to receive love because their anger and bitterness only serves to keep
from them what might have otherwise newfound loves and joys.
But
most importantly, we need to think about what would happen if God, who offers
forgiveness to every soul, never forgave us because every offense committed,
even if not done against our fellowperson, is against God, because it is written
that we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Rom. 3:23) and if
you want to know what it is that is an offense and an affront to God, everything
you need to know is found in the Holy written inspired Word of God, (2 Tim.
3:16) because all that God deems evil and displeasing in His sight is not what
He intended to be in the world to begin with and not what He ever created
anyone or anything to be or to do but goes against what He intended for us to
be and commands that we should be and in hopes of providing a more adequate
understanding of this, we must first understand how God intended for the world
to be and how He intended for humanity to be and why not all is as He intended
it to be.
When
God first created the world and created mankind. He created all things to be good and pleasing
in His sight. There was no death, no evil,
and no suffering or pain of any sort. There
was only peace and goodness in the world and it was only a place of life and
not death. Even mankind was created to
be by nature good and not inherently evil but that all changed by the first
offense committed against God which was the most consequential of all offenses
from that day forth and that first offense that was committed was when the
first man Adam and the first woman Eve, who was the wife of Adam, ate the fruit
of a certain tree called the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, having
been warned of God that in the day that they ate thereof, they would surely
die, (Gen. 2:16-17, 3:3) but instead of heeding that warning, they disobeyed
that prohibition and ate of that forbidden fruit; the only thing forbidden to
them, and when they did eat of that forbidden fruit, the sentence of death, to
which they eventually succumbed, came upon them just they had been warned (Gen.
3:19) for it was in the day that they ate of that fruit that sin entered into
them and due to sin entering into them, the sentence of death came upon them and
it is because of sin that death entered into the world, and it did not stop
with just Adam and Eve, but both sin and death were extended to the rest of
mankind as the sin that entered into Adam was inherited by the rest of mankind
through descent and with that, death itself (Rom. 5:12) since it is from Adam
and Eve that all of mankind descend; sin being defined not merely bad a bad
action or bad behavior or even by careless or ill-spoken words, but rather sin
is defined as the corrupted condition of our very nature which doesn’t just
influence what we say and do but it also influences our thoughts, motives, and
the attitude of the heart and it is due to this inward corrupted condition that
we all sin in some form or fashion and as a consequence we all die, for as it
is written, the wages of sin is death (Rom. 6:23) but the affects of sin and death
are not just confined to mankind but extend to all of creation which is why all
of creation is filled with death, decay, suffering, pain, grief and sorrow of every
degree and kind that there ever has been or ever could be; hence why it is
written that the entire creation groans and travails in pain to this day, (Rom.
8:19-22) and yet in spite of this astronomical offense committed by Adam and Eve
which plunged the once good and perfect world into its presently fallen and
corrupted state, God still lovingly showed mercy to them both by providing them
clothing made from animal skins (Gen. 3:21) to cover up their nakedness upon
which shame came due to the sin that entered into them; He was not going to
hold this offense against them perpetually and He still offers forgiveness and
reconciliation to the sinner every day, calling and urging all people to turn away
from their sins and to repent and call upon His name for the forgiveness of
sins that the need not face the wrath and judgment that is to come upon all sin
and the greatest offer of reconciliation and forgiveness that He has provided
is Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior and His only begotten Son (Jn. 3:16) whom
He sent into the world to take away our sins which He did through His death on
the cross on which He was crucified and after having purchased redemption for
us through the shedding of His sinless blood (2 Cor. 5:21, Heb. 4:15, 7:26-27)
on behalf of sinful man, He was then raised from the dead for our justification
(Rom. 4:25) so that we by our faith in Him would be made justified in Him
before God the Father.
For
those of us who are in Christ, since we have received by faith the forgiveness
of sins, and since God has shown Himself faithful and just to forgive all sins confessed
to Him (1 Jn. 1:9) should we not then extend forgiveness and mercy to those who
have offended, wronged, and violated us in some way as well? Because if we don’t give forgiveness as we
ourselves have been forgiven, then what does that say about the gratitude and
appreciation for the mercy that we have shown and the forgiveness that we, upon
repentance, have received ourselves?
Recall
in the parable of the unmerciful servant how a certain a servant owed a tremendous
debt and was about to see himself, his family and all his possessions sold to
cover the unpaid debt, how he begged the one whom he owed the debt to have
patience with him and that he would pay back all that was owed, how the one to
whom he owed the debt mercifully forgave that debt, and with that same servant
who had been forgiven that tremendous debt would not show the same mercy to
another who had also owed him a debt which resulted in that same unmerciful
servant being subject punishment. (Mt. 18:23-35)
He
clearly did not have the appreciation and gratitude for the mercy that was
shown to him by his master that he should have had and it was due to this lack
of appreciation of the mercy shown to him that he refused to extend that same mercy.
So,
why would we ever perpetually hold a grudge against anyone at the risk of
facing eternal damnation? If there are
three reasons why we should not perpetually hold onto anger and bitterness towards
those who have caused an offense against us and regardless of what that offense
might have been, it is because:
1. We have a moral duty to forgive the repentant
offender.
2. We ourselves may find ourselves in need of
mercy and forgiveness one day because due to our fallible nature and whether we
intend to do so or not, we will all inevitably commit some infraction or
offense against someone.
3. Our salvation depends on our willingness to
forgive others as we ourselves have been.
Any grudge, anger, or bitterness that we might hold onto is not worth the
risk of being shut out of the Kingdom of Heaven for.
So,
for those of you out there who may be holding on to a grudge against someone or
are harboring some anger or bitterness within you, I must ask this:
What
do you think you would be missing if you were to let go of all of that?
What
do you think you would be losing by forgiving those who have wronged you in
some way?
And
if you happen to be who has yet to experience what forgiveness and mercy is
like, forgiveness begins with God who is willing to forgive all sins and
offenses to any who will in all in sincerity ask Him for the forgiveness of sins
in sincere repentance and after we are reconciled to our Creator, which is just
a sincere prayer of repentance away, and it is only then when we receive the
forgiveness of sins from our Creator, do we then begin the process of reconciliation,
with whomever possible, with our fellowperson:
"Lord
Jesus I need you.
I
realize that I am a sinner
who
has fallen short of the glory of God
and
that my goodness falls short
of
your standard of Moral perfection.
Please
forgive me of all of my sins.
Come
into my heart and into my life
to
be the Savior and Lord of my life.
Make
me into the servant and follower
that
you want me to be.
In
your name Lord Jesus, I pray.
Amen."
Know
that God is not concerned with the words that you use to call upon Him
forgiveness, but with the attitude of your heart and if you have, with all
sincerity, have asked Christ to forgive you of your sins, placing your trust in
Him only for your salvation and in nothing else, then your sins are forgiven
and your place in Heaven is certain.
End
notes:
1. George Arkhurst, “When forgiveness feels like
the problem, not the solution,”
Christian
Post, October 13, 2026
https://www.christianpost.com/voices/when-forgiveness-feels-like-the-problem-not-the-solution.html?utm_source=notifpush.com&utm_medium=web-push
Scripture
references:
1. Romans 3:23
2 2 Timothy 3:16
3. Genesis 2:16-17, 3:3
4. Genesis 3:19
5. Romans 5:12
6. Romans 6:23
7. Romans 8:19
8. Genesis 3:21
9. John 3:16
10. 2 Corinthians 5:21, Hebrews 4:15, 7:26-27
11. Romans 4:25
12. 1 John 1:9
13. Matthew 18:23-35
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