A Review Of Vivek Singh’s “Dear Men Never Date…”

 


In a publication called News Of X, a publication oriented towards men, Vivek Singh gives a list of certain types of women that he does not believe men should ever date, but are they all really deal-breakers?  Contender’s Edge examines Singh’s piece from biblical perspective.
 
 
1.   Singh believes that men should never date a feminist because of their hatred of men, but not all feminists necessarily hate men, but any woman who has a hatred of men is not going to want anything to do with a man anyway, at least not on a personal level and it needs to be made clear that not all feminists necessarily are in ideological agreement with one another as there are at least three factions of feminists:
 
 
A. Feminists who demand that women be able to participate in society just as much as men do, to be given the same rights as men, and judged according to the same standards of men.  They want the right to pursue even the same occupations in society that have been traditionally held and dominated by men, to be paid the same wages in the workforce as their male counterparts, and if they are to be denied promotions in the workplace, they would rather that it be so on merit than their gender and to be able to have the same educational and academic opportunities as men do.
 
They want to be treated in accordance to the same standards that any men are but have no intention nor desire to undermine men.  They still respect the family unit as designed by God and have no intention of undermining that but they do not necessarily want to be confined to the four walls of the home when they have other dreams and aspirations to be pursued and fulfilled besides those of just being a wife and mother.
 
B.  Feminists who not only demand the same rights as men and that they be treated in accordance to the same standards of men, but who view the traditional family unit as being obsolete.  They even believe it to be oppressive to women and even distain the institution of marriage as it was intended to be and that is between a man and a woman for life.  This is the faction that, along with the LGBT movement, has been a threat to the moral and structural stability of society and is the most hostile towards Judeo-Christian values.
 
C.  And lastly, there is the third faction of feminism that is the most extreme.  They not only wish to do away with the traditional family unit, but possess a contempt and hatred for men that is so severe so as to call not only for the direct overthrow of the patriarchal society, but also the elimination of the male gender altogether, but this is a fringe faction that is rejected by most women.
 
 
Singh does rightfully assess that modern feminist propaganda has made men and the patriarchal society to be oppressive and even tyrannical by nature and in some extreme cases, makes men out to be inherently and irredeemably evil as he states that modern feminist propaganda can manipulate women into becoming misandric (haters of men) and that no matter what a man does “they will think of that in a wrong way” [1] unless there is an undoing of the modern and radical feminist lies and deception in the minds and hearts of those women who have been deceived and manipulated by such propaganda and that requires both an experiential and most importantly, a spiritual reform in their minds, hearts, and souls and they need to be brought to a place of understanding in which they are brought to the realization that not all men are as evil as they suppose and that just as there are some men who are evil, exploitive, and oppressive, there are also men who are upright in heart and have no desire to do evil, are not interested in dominating anyone, nor have any desire to cause any harm to anyone, and while not perfect or without fault by any means, still mean well in their actions.
 
Men who are willing to put aside their masculine pride and make some concessions should have no problem with dating and marrying women who only wish to be treated fairly and be allowed to pursue the dreams and ambitions placed in their hearts, and with such women, can still enjoy a wonderful and fulfilling relationship provided that they are ideologically compatible, but for those women who adhere to the more extreme forms of feminism, there is inevitably going to be an ideological divide between them and the men who adhere to both conservative and traditional values.
 
 
2.  Next, Singh advises against dating an ex as he claims that the same cycle will just be repeated again, even going further to assume that the reason why you and your ex broke up in the first place is because she found “a better guy”, [2] but divorces and breakups do not always happen due to the other person necessarily finding someone better than who they have.  In fact, most divorces and breakups happen for very trivial reasons; all breakups and divorces being preventable as long as both the man and the woman are determined to make their relationship work.  But I will agree with him on this in that it probably is not wise to date or get re-married to an ex who left you for someone else unless they can give assurances that they are not going to cheat on you again, and I am all for reconciliation between two former partners who are willing to forgive each other, put the past hurts and wrongs done to one another behind them, and start afresh and Singh would do well to remember that there have been cases of those who have broken up or have been divorced, but in time reconciled whose bond between them is now stronger and more secure than it ever was the first time around.
 
 
3. Singh then goes on to advise against dating single mothers and the reason he gives for this is because that all the man would be to them is just “a helping hand”, [3] in other words, according to Singh, the only reason why single mothers marry is out of convenience and not out of love and only for what the man is able to do for them and their children and not for the man that he is.  In another piece, Singh goes into greater depth as to why he thinks men should avoid dating single mothers:
 
 
A single mother doesn’t come into a relationship with a guy out of love but mostly they come in it as they need a helping hand raising their kids. She needs you to pay bills related to her house, electricity, food, etc to all the other school bills of her kids. As the kids are always her priority they are her life but you are not important to her. So, why play someone else’s saved game? She must love you too. She is never available for you neither physically nor emotionally. [4]
 
 
 
Now, I personally do not believe that the reasons Singh gives for avoiding single mothers is necessarily representative of all single mothers as there are single parents out there, including single mothers, who do seek marriage out of love, do love their spouses, and try to invest every bit as much in their spouses as they do in their children, but the fears that men have about single mothers is may represent far too many of them.  Now, to any, and especially single mothers out there who may be reading this, I know this may seem cold-hearted and callous, but a man wants to be loved and valued for the person he is whether there are children involved or not and not for what he can do or provide.
 
It may be tempting for single parents to jump into a relationship in hopes that their new spouse will help lighten the burden that they are carrying in the child rearing and in bringing financial assistance because for parents, the raising of children and by nature, marriage will, to a certain extent, bring relief in both areas, but what single parents have to understand is that any prospective spouse is going to want someone who will love and cherish them for man or woman they are and not for what they can provide or do even though anything they can do to assist in paying expenses and the raising of the children will be beneficial and a relief which is why the spouse you want assistance from needs to be someone that you will love and cherish whether there are children involved or not and who likewise will love and cherish you because if you only marry someone for the assistance you think and hope they will bring and not out of love for them, then you are doing them and ultimately your children a disservice because that spouse is going feel that there is something vital missing between you and them and they would be right.
 
If they are not loved every bit as much and made every bit as much of a priority as your children, then they are going to become discontented, miserable, and even resentful.  They will not have as much incentive to be actively involved in anything having to do with your children and not to mention, there is also the danger that if they cross paths with someone with whom they find more personal and intimate contentment and happiness than they are finding with you and who makes them feel more loved and cared for than you do, they may be tempted to leave you for that person and if they give into that temptation, you will find yourself once again alone with the children.  Is that what you want?
 
And if any of you single mothers out there think this sounds horribly selfish, then put yourself in the position of the prospective spouse:  If the roles were reversed and your prospective husband was the single parent and you were the prospective spouse without any children of your own, how would you want that man to value you?  Would you be happy with being treated as nothing more than just a nanny to his children, or would you want him to love and cherish you for who you are whether there were children involved or not?  Would you or would you not want him to invest every bit as much in his relationship with you as he does in his children?  Take some time to think about that.
 
It doesn’t matter what your circumstances are or whether you are a single/widowed parent or not, the principles required for a secure, successful, and fulfilling marriage for both spouses do not change and they begin with why you are choosing the relationship and spouse that you are choosing and why they are choosing you.  God intended for marriage to be for life (Mt. 19:4-6) which is why aside from two exceptions listed in scripture being in cases of adultery (Mt. 19:9) or spiritual division (1 Cor. 7:15) divorce and remarriage are forbidden for as long as the divorced spouse is still alive and is not in a relationship. (Mt. 19:9)
 
He never intended for marriage to be convenient.
He never intended for marriage to be taken lightly.
He never intended for marriage to be used for financial, political, or material gain nor did he ever intend for marriage to be used to acquire a higher status in society.
 
He intended for marriage to be a lasting bond of love between a man and a woman because it is written that they are to cling to each other in that marital bond which was intended to endure until one or both spouses die.  It is one thing for you single parents (single mothers especially) to cling to a prospective spouse, but are you anyone that they in turn can also cling to at all times and in all things?
 
Is the man or woman you consider to be a prospective spouse someone you can love and cherish just as much if there were no children involved as you do with children involved?  If the answer is no, then don’t marry them as that will not be fair to them, or to you, or to any children involved, but if the prospective spouse is someone that you would love and cherish just as much without any children involved as you do with children involved, then you may have found your spouse.
 
As mentioned earlier, the spouse you want to take part in the affairs of your household needs to be someone you love and who in turn loves you, not someone you neither love nor loves you.
 
 
 
4.  Singh then moves on to advising against dating women who have male friends [5] and to a point, I can see where he is coming from on this; aside from mutual friends, a man desiring a faithful and trustworthy wife is not going to feel comfortable with their prospective spouse having male friends in their lives just as a woman seeking a faithful and trustworthy husband is not going to feel comfortable with him having female friends with the exception of mutual friendships.
 
A husband or wife has every right to know who everyone in the life of their spouse is to them and just because a husband or wife might have friends of the opposite sex in their lives, that may not necessarily mean that they are going to cheat on their spouse with that friend, but at the same time, spouses should not engage in relationships that could jeopardize their marriage no matter how innocent those relationships may seem as it is not always enough to simply avoid evil, but also the appearance of it. (1 Thess. 5:22)
 
 
 
5.  Singh then continues on to warn against dating attention seekers [6] but there is nothing wrong with your spouse or prospective spouse looking to you for attention or validation as that is actually a good thing.  That means they value your company, love, support, companionship, and your input but it is when they are not content with just your acceptance, affirmation, and favor but are also relying on others for affirmation, acceptance, and favor that attention seeking becomes a bad thing as it is you and no other who, save for God Himself, needs to be at the center of their universe and likewise, they need to be at the center of yours.
 
 
6.  Next Singh advises against dating frivolous spenders [7] and with this one, I would wholeheartedly agree with this one for as the book of proverbs says, there is treasure to be desired and oil in the dwelling of the wise but the foolish spend it up (Prov. 21:20) and that can go badly not just for them but even for you too.  We should all want a spouse who is fiscally responsible but remember that fiscally responsible spouses will also want you to be fiscally responsible as well.
 
 
7.   And Then Singh warns against dating co-workers because it would cause workplace drama [8] but I would say don’t put limitations on God because the person that may be right for you and you likewise may be right for may be a co-worker and God is not above using the workplace to bring two people together but if you and a co-worker find that the two of you possess personal feelings favorable towards each other, the two of you need to take time to discuss those feelings with each other to determine as to whether or not a life-long personal relationship is the way the two of you want to go but the what should be drawing and keeping you two together cannot be anything that can be lost to either of you (and that includes your jobs) but only those things that can never be lost to you such your love for each other, a shared faith, and morals and values that you both share in common.
 
As long as you and your prospective spouse are united under one faith, one doctrine, and one set of morals and standards, and are bound together by nothing more than a deep and lasting love and devotion to each other, whether the two of you are co-workers or not, the two of you should be able to withstand and get through anything and that includes workplace drama.
 
 
8.  And lastly Vivek Singh says not to date the exes of your friends, [9] but that would depend upon the circumstances of the breakup or divorce between your friend and their spouse or prospective spouse.  And if, as the common saying goes that Singh cites in his piece that friends are supposed to be forever [10] then how much more should the bond of marriage between a man and a woman?  Girls and boys do not have to come and go as Singh pessimistically claims as there will always be a man or a woman who will stick closer to you than a friend or even immediate family members and in fact, that is the way that it was supposed to be in the beginning when God first created Heaven and earth.  He designed the man and the woman to be together for life and designed the marital relationship to be the closest, most intimate, and secure relationship that anyone can ever have as the marital bond is supposed to withstand all things as the husband and wife are supposed to be committed to experiencing and facing all things together both good and bad until one or both of them die, but sadly, that is not the case with many marriages and for a variety of reasons, they fail and the two spouses separate and it even happens with couples who started out well but the reason why the divorces and the breakups that ought not be and never had to be do take place is because the two spouses came together for reasons that should never have been a factor and did not apply the right principles to their relationship and marriage and even if they did come together in love and did apply the right principles to their marriage at the start, at some point in that marriage one or both spouses abandoned those principles and in the process abandoned the love they once had for each other because one or both spouses neglected to maintain the love once shared between them because their affections were stolen away from each other by other things that should not have been able to steal them away.
 
In order for marriages to successfully endure until one or both spouses have passed away, they need to not only be established upon the right principles and secured by the bond of a deep and lasting love shared between the two spouses, their relationship from day one must also be sealed, walled off, and secured, far more firmly and tighter than any citadel, walled city, castle or palace from anyone or anything that might compromise or interfere with that relationship and that includes even the inherent selfish tendencies of the two spouses and those inherent selfish tendencies arise from inherent sinful tendencies into which we are all born and with which we are all born but it was never meant to be so because when God created the heavens and the earth, it was a world in which there was no evil, no suffering, no darkness, no death, and no decay, but only life, light, peace, and contentment and a perfect harmony between God, man, and nature and there was nothing withheld from man except for one thing and that was a fruit from a certain tree called the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, having been warned of God that in the day that they ate thereof, they would surely die (Gen. 2:16-17, 3:3) but the first man Adam and the first woman Eve who was Adam’s wife did not heed the warning and ate of that forbidden fruit because they had been made to believe by a lying voice that came to them in the form of a serpent that death would not come to them if the ate of the fruit that they were told not to eat from but that they would instead increase in wisdom and even become divine (Gen. 3:4-5) and when they had eaten of that fruit, instead of becoming wiser, their eyes were only opened to the shame of their nakedness (v. 7) and instead of becoming divine, they were reduced to a state more lowly and inferior than the one in which they were made, and the sentence of death came upon them just as they had been warned (Gen. 3:19) and the lying voice that led Adam and Eve into that fateful act of disobedience was once a certain angel, a covering cherub more specifically, who had once served at the throne of God until the day that he was so lifted up in his own pride that he thought that he could make himself equal with God and take for himself glory that belonged to God alone and as a consequence, he, and all those who sided with him, were cast from their positions in Heaven (Is. 14:11-21, Ezek. 28:12-19).  This angel who had thought to make himself equal with God was called Lucifer and who is now better known as Satan or the Devil and after he was cast from his place in Heaven, he then crept into the newly created world in the form of a serpent and through subtlety and deceit caused Adam and Eve to commit the fateful transgression that had caused sin to enter into them through the eating of that forbidden fruit and when sin entered into them, the sentence of death came upon them, for it is in sin that death has its power for wherever there is sin, there is death but where there is no sin, there is no death but the sentence of death did not stop with Adam and Eve. 
 
It was also passed down from them to all of mankind because we are all descended from them and by way of descent, we have inherited from Adam and Eve the sin that entered into them; sin not being merely confined to our actions or even what we say, but defined as the corrupted condition of our nature that we inherited from Adam and Eve (Rom. 5:12) into whom it first entered and it is a condition that does not just influence what we say and do but also defiles our thoughts, corrupts our motives, and darkens our hearts which is why it is written that we are not defiled by the things from without, but by what is from within (Mt. 15:11, 17-20) and it is that from within that causes us to sin and as a consequence, we are all subjugated to death (Rom. 6:23) and the lie told to Adam and Eve which caused them to commit the act of disobedience that brought sin and death not only to themselves but to all of us was the first known lie to be told and it was the lie by which Satan was made not only liar and a murderer, but also the father of lies (Jn. 8:44)  and it was also by this lie that he diminished the dominion that was once given to man (Gen. 1:26) and claimed for himself lordship over the nations, kingdoms, empires, and peoples of the earth (Mt. 4:8-9, Lk. 4:6-7) which is why he is called the prince of this world (Jn. 12:31, 16:11) and in doing so has ever through his many devices and temptations increased sin, evil, and death throughout the world and but not only has man through the disobedience of Adam been subjugated to death because of sin, but all of creation itself has also been made to groan and travail in pain to this day because of sin (Rom. 8:19-22) which is why there is so much death, evil, suffering, anguish, misery, grief, and sorrow throughout the world which also makes Satan the thief who comes to steal, kill, and destroy (Jn. 10:10) and not only is Satan a destroyer of lives, nations, kingdoms, and civilizations, but he is also a destroyer of relationships that need not ever have to be destroyed and he does so through the manipulation of our selfish and sinful tendencies.
 
Before sin entered into man, relationships were very easy to form and maintain but due to our inherently corrupt nature, relationships have now become more difficult to form and can even be difficult to maintain and that includes marriages but what is worse than even that, sin has caused us to be born estranged from our Creator and because we are inwardly defiled by sin, we will always continue to sin and fall short of the glory of God (Rom. 3:23) which is why we can never place our trust in our own merit to gain His favor or to deliver us from the judgment that awaits all sin because our merit is corrupted and defiled by sin that is within us because God requires nothing less than moral perfection which is sinless because God, being without sin and Holy, cannot allow into His Kingdom, which is without sin, anything that is sinful or in sin or else the Kingdom of Heaven would be defiled by the taint of sin just as the earth itself has been defiled but we are not without hope nor are we without redemption for the Lord God Almighty is not willing that any should perish or be sentenced to eternal damnation, but that all would come to repentance (2 Pet. 3:9) and the offer of redemption that God gives is found in none other than the Lord Jesus Christ, who is the only begotten Son of God (Jn. 3:16) and who is Himself God (Jn. 1:1) having come to us in the flesh as a man (Jn. 1:14) to take away the sins of the world which He did by offering Himself up to take upon Himself on our behalf the demanded penalty for all sin which is death and He, being without sin (2 Cor. 5:21, Heb. 4:15) on behalf of sinful man, surrendered Himself to death and to the shedding of His blood upon the cross on which He was crucified and after having purchased our redemption by His death, was raised again from the dead so that we by our faith in Him will be justified in Him (Rom. 4:25) if we will but call upon His name so that we might be saved from what would otherwise be a terrifying everlasting punishment if we will but call upon His name (Rom. 10:9, 13) and believe in our hearts that God raised Him from the dead (Rom. 10:9) for it is by calling upon His name in sincere repentance that salvation is granted and our souls made clean from sin thereby liberating us from the threat of eternal damnation and with that cleansing comes a new spiritual transformation (2 Cor. 5:17) that causes us to no longer desire to follow after selfish and worldly pursuits but after those things that pertain to the Kingdom of Heaven,
to no longer take pleasure in those things that are evil and displeasing in the sight of the Lord, but in that which is good, right, and pleasing in His sight,
to no longer desire to walk in the lies of this present world, but only in the truth that comes from Christ Almighty, (Jn. 14:6) no longer placing our hopes in the things of this present world, but looking forward to that new and better world to come, (Rev. 21-22)
to no longer rely on worldly resources, men, or even our own power, abilities, skills, and wisdom for our needs and provision but upon God who is able to meet all of our needs, (Mt. 6:33) recognizing that the resources of this world and even the people He brings into our lives are but instruments and vessels through which God meets our needs and that the skills, power, knowledge, and wisdom by which we might acquire our provision are provided and instilled in us by God,
to no longer fear what men can do to us, but rather fearing the God before whom we will have to one day give an account for how we lived our lives, (Mt. 10:28)
to no longer look to corruptible institutions within our society for direction and order in our lives but to God who, by His written Word has given us laws and precepts to be applied to our lives and which serve to produce and maintain an ordered life, and who, by His Holy Spirit which comes to dwell within us upon repentance, establishes in our lives a course and direction in our lives to pursue for His glory,
to no longer seek our own glory but the glory of God,
to no longer rally behind corruptible men, but instead behind the incorruptible God in Heaven bearing in mind that those men and women God raises up for our edification are but instruments and servants of His for that respective purpose to which He has called them,
to no longer seek to align ourselves with the things of darkness but only with the things of the light,
to no longer trust in the wisdom of the world but only on the wisdom and knowledge that comes from above, (Jas. 1:5) nor depend on corruptible earthly authorities to swiftly administer justice, but only in the power of God to deliver us from evil.
 
And it is this new inward transformation that reconciles us to our Creator (2 Cor. 5:18) from whom we had once been estranged and just as our souls are cleansed from sin and our spirits regenerated in Christ Jesus thereby liberating us from the eternal tormenting punishment that must come upon all who remain in their sins and it is this very change, if received by enough people, that potentially can bring about a change for the better in entire households in the manner of how they are run and maintained, and from there, the nature and condition of entire neighborhoods, communities, states/provinces, and entire nations, which then will have an impact and an affect upon the course of the culture and society; how education is taught, how businesses and corporations are operated, how news is reported, the quality and nature of entertainment that is produced, and finally how politics and civic governance are conducted.
 
What the Devil destroys, God is in the business of either restoring or replacing and that includes our relationships and especially our marriages and if you are looking for peace and restoration and if you will allow Him to, God is able and willing to bring a restoration and a peace that cannot come by way of anything else.  You only have to call upon Him to restore peace, joy, and happiness to you again and if you have not done so already, I would urge you reader to call upon the name of the Lord Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of sins so that you may find the peace that you otherwise might not have.  It is just a simple prayer of repentance away:
 
 
 
"Lord Jesus I need you.
 
 
I realize that I am a sinner
who has fallen short of the glory of God
and that my goodness falls short
of your standard of Moral perfection.
 
Please forgive me of all of my sins.
Come into my heart and into my life
to be the Savior and Lord of my life.
Make me into the servant and follower
that you want me to be.
In your name Lord Jesus, I pray.
 
 
Amen."
 
 
Know that God is not concerned with the words that you use to call upon Him forgiveness, but with the attitude of your heart and if you have, with all sincerity, have asked Christ to forgive you of your sins, placing your trust in Him only for your salvation and in nothing else, then your sins are forgiven and your place in Heaven is certain.
 
 
 
End notes:
 
 
 
1.  Vivek Singh, “Dear Men, Never Date…”, News Of X, December 9, 2024
https://newsofx2.com/2024/12/09/dear-men-never-date/
 
2.  Ibid.
 
3.  Ibid
 
4.  Vivek Singh, “Why Men Avoid Single Mothers?” News Of X, March 31, 2024
https://newsofx2.com/2024/03/31/why-men-avoid-single-mothers/
 
5.  Singh, “Dear Men, Never Date…” News Of X, December 9, 2024
 
6.  Ibid.
 
7.  Ibid.
 
8.  Ibid.
 
9.  Ibid.
 
10.  Ibid.
 
 
 
Scripture references:
 
 
 
1.  Matthew 19:4-6
 
2.  Matthew 19:9
 
3.  1 Corinthians 7:15
 
4.  1 Thessalonians 5:22
 
5.  Proverbs 21:20
 
6.  Genesis 2:16-17, 3:3
 
7.  Genesis 3:4-5
 
8.  Genesis 3:7
 
9.  Genesis 3:19
 
10.  Isaiah 14:11-12
 
11.  Ezekiel 28:12-19
 
12.  Romans 5:12
 
13.  Romans 6:23
 
14.  Matthew 15:11, 17-20
 
15.  John 8:44
 
16.  Genesis 1:26
 
17.  Matthew 4:8-9, Luke 4:6-7
 
18.  John 12:31, 16:11
 
19.  Romans 8:19-22
 
20.  John 10:10
 
21.  Romans 3:23
 
22.  2 Peter 3:9
 
23.  John 3:16
 
24.  John 1:1
 
25.  John 1:14
 
26.  2 Corinthians 5:21, Hebrews 4:15
 
27.  Romans 4:25
 
28.  Romans 10:9, 13
 
29.  2 Corinthians 5:17
 
30.  Matthew 6:33
 
31.  John 14:6
 
32.  Revelation 21-22
 
33.  Matthew 6:25-33
 
34.  Matthew 10:28
 
35.  James 5:1
 
36.  2 Corinthians 5:18