Basically In Agreement But Not All Are Necessary

 


While I would agree with most of what the following publications says to be critical to a healthy marriage between a man and a woman, there are a few things which Vivek Singh, the writer of the piece, does list that I do not agree are necessary for a woman to be a loving, trustworthy, and reliable spouse but before addressing what I disagree with Singh on, I first want to take some time to address what we all should agree with him.  In his piece, Singh lists what he calls “green flags” or what he believes to be critical and essential traits and elements to a healthy relationship and marriage between a man or a woman.
 
With the following I would agree with Vivek Singh as to the following that is essential in choosing a spouse:
 
 
 
She is for You And Not Against You In Your Mission [1]
 
 
 
We should want someone who is supportive of our dreams and ambitions or who, at the very least, has no objections.
 
 
 
She loves You as you Are No ifs and buts
She truly loves you and she is not a gold digger [2]
 
 
 
Singh separated the two aforementioned “green flags” but I combined the two into one because they both say basically the same thing.  The best and most secure of marriages are based on nothing but a lasting bond of love between the two spouses and nothing more.  That is a marriage that will withstand anything.  It doesn’t matter if everything around you burns and becomes ash as long as she is the one who is left standing with you.
 
 
 
She has a low body count [3]
 
 
 
What he means here is that she is fiscally responsible.
 
 
 
She doesn’t seek attention from other males. [4]
 
 
 
You should be the only man that she should be seeking attention and affirmation from and if she is going to wear revealing clothing and be lewd, you are the only one around whom she should be doing that.  She should not be sharing personal phone numbers or personal e-mails with other men nor should she be posting lewd and racy photos of herself on social media.  She should only be sharing with you through a text message.
 
 
 
She is kind to others [5]
 
 
 
We should always want our spouse or prospective spouse to treat the people in your lives and who you both encounter the way the two of you would want to be treated but how she may treat other people is not always indicative of how she might treat you.  If she loves you she will still be the best that she can be to you but if you are the only one that she is able to treat with respect and decency, prepare for your social life to be very limited.
 
 
 
She is always present there for you in times you need her [6]
 
 
 
As she should be.
 
 
 
If she is not upset then she will not make you feel guilty about it. No playing games women are best at. [7]
 
 
 
Not sure what he means by this, but I will take this to mean that she is someone who is willing to forgive when you fall short and mess up, and it is vitally important for the prospective spouse to always be willing to forgive your mistakes, faults, flaws, and shortcomings and to be quick to forgive as a willingness to be forgiving towards one another and to be quick to forgive is vital to a secure and healthy relationship.
 
 
These “green flags” as Singh calls them are exactly what we should expect in a spouse whose character and nature towards you would be consistent with what the author of Genesis intended for the woman to be towards the man and how they both need to be towards each other (Gen. 2:18)
 
 
But now here are the other “green flags” that Singh lists that are not necessarily deal breakers if not present because the lacking of the following is not necessarily the fault of the prospective spouse as it is compatibility and their overall character that should matter the most.
 
 
 
Good relations with her Dad [8]
 
 
 
First off, while it is always great for a woman to have a good relationship with her father or both parents for that matter, the nature of a woman’s relationship with her father, or the lack thereof, does not necessarily determine whether or not she will be a faithful, loving, and trustworthy spouse but rather the nature of her own character will be what determines that.  Her father (or both parents for that matter) may very well have been absolute jerks to her and she may very well have been neglected, unloved, and even abandoned by one or both parents but if she chooses an upright path and to be a contributing member of society, she is not going to justify any bad choices she might make in life on her upbringing or the way that one or both parents may have treated her.
 
She will take responsibility for her own actions and her own choices and be willing to accept the consequences of any choices that she, for better or worse does make.  I’ve met people whose upbringing was a rough one but in spite of that, turned out to be fairly decent people who are good to their spouses and good to their children and then there are those who had nothing wrong in their upbringing but who have turned out to be absolute creeps.  What it comes down to in choosing a relationship is not how someone was brought up but whether or not you can trust them to be faithful, dependable, and trustworthy spouse who is going to be the best that they can be to you irrespective what their upbringing was like.
 
 
 
She is healthy and fit which is a good sign for you and raising your kids and even bringing them to the world [9]
 
 
 
Secondly, the physical health of a prospective spouse should not factor into your decision as to whether or not to marry them.  If you will not bear with them in their sickness, weakness, and disabled state, then you are not worthy of them when in they are in their best of health and at their strongest.  Think about how you would wanted to be treated by your prospective spouse if they should find you in a weakened sickly state.  Wouldn’t you want them to lovingly be there for you if you find yourself confined to a wheel chair or even a bed?  If so, then love them and value them enough to do the same for them.
 
There is a reason why the bride and groom swear to stay by each other’s sides in sickness and in health because marriage to a prospective spouse should not be based upon the state of their healthy or strength, but on the basis of your love for them and just because a prospective spouse may be in a weakened or sickly state, that does not necessarily mean that they will always be so. Miracles do happen after and their health and physical condition can change around for the better and on the other hand, a healthy and physically fit person can also lose their health and strength.
 
It is when your spouse or your prospective spouse is at his or weakest that your sworn commitment to them is tried and tested and it is during those dark times that the fulfillment of the vows you swore to each other really matter as they will reveal just how determined you are to continue to remain faithfully committed to your spouse.
 
It is easy to be committed to a spouse who is physically fit and in good health, but there is a reward that awaits those who continue to remain committed to their spouses and prospective spouses not just in the good times, but also during times of difficulty as well.  If a friend loves at all times (Prov. 17:17) then how much more should a husband or wife?
 
 
 
Your Friends and Family Love her [10]
 
 
 
Thirdly, your spouse or your prospective spouse does not need to be loved by your friends or family although acceptance of them from your friends and family would be a good thing and helpful.  What matters is that YOU love them because it is YOU who will be marrying them, not your friends and family.  And it is YOU that your prospective spouse will be marrying, not your friends and family.
 
When friends and family express disapproval of a prospective spouse, it is often for frivolous reasons that have nothing to do with spiritual, theological, doctrinal, or moral compatibility or with the overall character of the prospective spouse and so they will point out what they perceive to be faults, flaws, and shortcomings in the prospective spouse that may not bother you and shouldn’t bother you but for some reason, bother them.  They may not like the way your prospective spouse dresses, the appearance of their hair, the color of their skin, where they are from, and may even disapprove of them on account of their past rather than concern themselves with the person they presently are, or they may have issues with the personality of your prospective spouse that you may not.  Your prospective spouse may have interests that differ from theirs and may even be given over to eccentrics that may be a turn-off to your friends and family but are not a turn-off to you.
 
Your prospective spouse should only rely on you and you only for the love and affirmation they seek and vice versa and no one else because your love and desire for them should be what matters to them, not the love and acceptance of your friends and family.
 
If you and your prospective spouse are compatible and are agreed spiritually and morally and if you are both fully committed to each other and have resolved to not allow anything or anyone to come in between you and them, then that is all that is needed and all that matters.  Friends and family on both sides are just going to have to deal with it whether they like it or not.
 
 
 
She won’t make you choose her always over your friends or family or other things which don’t involve her [11]
 
 
 
And finally, no one wants to be placed in a position where they have to choose between their prospective spouse and their friends and family but sadly this does happen and which you choose really comes down to which relationship you value most; hopefully it will be your prospective spouse and if your spouse or prospective spouse puts you in a position in which you have to choose between them or your friends and family, how you should respond should be determined by the justification that the spouse or prospective spouse may have for doing so.  There are instances in which there may be justification on their part for this and other times not.
 
When it comes to relationships, it seems that aside from our relationship our Creator which the scripture admonishes needs to be our top priority in life, the Bible seems to place more emphasis and value on the marital relationship than it does on any other whereas worldly wisdom, culture, and tradition have devalued marriage and the bond that was intended to exist between a man and a woman and the only way that marriage will be restored to the value intended for and re-elevated to the place in our lives that it was meant to be will be when we stop listening to what the world, culture, and tradition says that we should be looking for in a spouse and what the purpose of marriage is and instead start listening to what God says marriage was intended for and what spouse would be right for each and every one of us but if we are to hear God’s voice on anything, we ourselves need to be ready and willing to listen to His voice and not only listen to His voice to but to heed and obey what He says.  God speaks to us in many ways, but if there is anything that is causing us to be estranged from Him, then we can have no hope of hearing His voice as we will be made blind and deaf to His voice unless we prefer His light over the darkness of this present world, His wisdom over worldly wisdom, His goodness over that of the goodness of men which falls short of the goodness of God, His ways above our own ways, His laws and precepts above that of men, and His calling upon our lives over our own worldly and self-serving ambitions, righteousness over unrighteousness, good over evil, truth over falsehood, angels above demons, salvation more than damnation, God over Satan and Heaven over Hell.
Ever since the creation of man beginning with Adam the first man and Eve the first woman who was also Adam’s wife, we have all been given a choice as to whether to heed the voice of our Creator or not and it seems that far too often, we choose to heed other voices rather than the voice of our Creator and we do so to our own hurt, destruction, and damnation just as Adam and Eve chose to heed a voice not of the Lord and in doing so brought needless misery not only upon themselves but upon all of creation; misery, evil, darkness, suffering, grief, pain, and sorrow that never existed when God created the universe because the world that God created was meant only to be filled with light, life, happiness, joy, and an uninterrupted harmony between God, man, and nature and there was nothing withheld from man whom God had initially set over the entire earth (Gen. 1:26) except for one thing and that was a fruit from a certain tree called the tree of the knowledge of good and evil having been warned that in the day that they ate thereof, they would surely die (Gen. 2:16-17, 3:3) but instead of heeding the warning of God, our first two ancestors heeded another voice; a lying voice that came to them in the form of a serpent taken on by a certain angel called Lucifer who had once served as a covering cherub at the throne of God until he became so lifted up in his own pride that he thought to make himself equal with God which caused him and all who sided with him to be cast from their places in Heaven (Is. 14:11-21, Ezek. 28:12-19) and after losing their battle for Heaven, that lying voice who now became better known as Satan or the Devil crept into the newly created world in the form of that serpent who then falsely assured Adam and Eve that they would not surely die if they were to eat of the fruit that God had told them to not eat and in his deceit told them that if they ate of that forbidden fruit that they would receive wisdom that they otherwise would not have and be raised to a status superior than the one in which they were created (Gen. 3:4-5) and after having heeded that lying voice instead of that one command and warning given to them by God, the only thing they were ever enlightened to was the shame that came upon their nakedness (v. 7) and their reduction to a status inferior than the one in which they were first created and instead of being spared the sentence of death, the sentence of death came upon them as they were warned (Gen. 3:19) and to which they eventually succumbed for it was when Adam and Eve had both eaten of that forbidden fruit that sin entered into them and with sin came death but the sentence of death and the effects of sin did not stop with Adam and Eve.
 
It was also passed down from them to all of mankind because we are all descended from them and by way of descent, we have inherited from Adam and Eve the sin that entered into them; sin not being merely confined to our actions or even what we say, but defined as the corrupted condition of our nature that we inherited from Adam and Eve (Rom. 5:12) into whom it first entered and it is a condition that does not just influence what we say and do but also defiles our thoughts, corrupts our motives, and darkens our hearts which is why it is written that we are not defiled by the things from without, but by what is from within (Mt. 15:11, 17-20) and it is that from within that causes us to sin and as a consequence, we are all subjugated to death (Rom. 6:23) and the lie told to Adam and Eve which caused them to commit the act of disobedience that brought sin and death not only to themselves but to all of us was the first known lie to be told and it was the lie by which Satan was made not only liar and a murderer, but also the father of lies (Jn. 8:44)  and it was also by this lie that he diminished the dominion that was once given to man (Gen. 1:26) and claimed for himself lordship over the nations, kingdoms, empires, and peoples of the earth (Mt. 4:8-9, Lk. 4:6-7) which is why he is called the prince of this world (Jn. 12:31, 16:11) and in doing so has ever through his many devices and temptations increased sin, evil, and death throughout the world and but not only has man through the disobedience of Adam been subjugated to death because of sin, but all of creation itself has also been made to groan and travail in pain to this day because of sin (Rom. 8:19-22) which is why there is so much death, evil, suffering, anguish, misery, grief, and sorrow throughout the world which also makes Satan the thief who comes to steal, kill, and destroy (Jn. 10:10) and what is even worst of all is that the adversary has caused us through sin to be born estranged from our Creator and because we are inwardly defiled by sin, we will always continue to sin and fall short of the glory of God (Rom. 3:23) which is why we can never place our trust in our own merit to gain His favor or to deliver us from the judgment that awaits all sin because our merit is corrupted and defiled by sin that is within us because God requires nothing less than moral perfection which is sinless because God, being without sin and Holy, cannot allow into His Kingdom, which is without sin, anything that is sinful or in sin or else the Kingdom of Heaven would be defiled by the taint of sin just as the earth itself has been defiled but we are not without hope nor are we without redemption for the Lord God Almighty is not willing that any should perish or be sentenced to eternal damnation, but that all would come to repentance (2 Pet. 3:9) and the offer of redemption that God gives is found in none other than the Lord Jesus Christ, who is the only begotten Son of God (Jn. 3:16) and who is Himself God (Jn. 1:1) having come to us in the flesh as a man (Jn. 1:14) to take away the sins of the world which He did by offering Himself up to take upon Himself on our behalf the demanded penalty for all sin which is death and He, being without sin (2 Cor. 5:21, Heb. 4:15) on behalf of sinful man, surrendered Himself to death and to the shedding of His blood upon the cross on which He was crucified and after having purchased our redemption by His death, was raised again from the dead so that we by our faith in Him will be justified in Him (Rom. 4:25) if we will but call upon His name so that we might be saved from what would otherwise be a terrifying everlasting punishment if we will but call upon His name (Rom. 10:9, 13) and believe in our hearts that God raised Him from the dead (Rom. 10:9) for it is by calling upon His name in sincere repentance that salvation is granted and our souls made clean from sin thereby liberating us from the threat of eternal damnation and with that cleansing comes a new spiritual transformation (2 Cor. 5:17) that causes us to no longer desire to follow after selfish and worldly pursuits but after those things that pertain to the Kingdom of Heaven,
to no longer take pleasure in those things that are evil and displeasing in the sight of the Lord, but in that which is good, right, and pleasing in His sight,
to no longer desire to walk in the lies of this present world, but only in the truth that comes from Christ Almighty, (Jn. 14:6) no longer placing our hopes in the things of this present world, but looking forward to that new and better world to come, (Rev. 21-22)
to no longer rely on worldly resources, men, or even our own power, abilities, skills, and wisdom for our needs and provision but upon God who is able to meet all of our needs, (Mt. 6:33) recognizing that the resources of this world and even the people He brings into our lives are but instruments and vessels through which God meets our needs and that the skills, power, knowledge, and wisdom by which we might acquire our provision are provided and instilled in us by God,
to no longer fear what men can do to us, but rather fearing the God before whom we will have to one day give an account for how we lived our lives, (Mt. 10:28)
to no longer look to corruptible institutions within our society for direction and order in our lives but to God who, by His written Word has given us laws and precepts to be applied to our lives and which serve to produce and maintain an ordered life, and who, by His Holy Spirit which comes to dwell within us upon repentance, establishes in our lives a course and direction in our lives to pursue for His glory,
to no longer seek our own glory but the glory of God,
to no longer rally behind corruptible men, but instead behind the incorruptible God in Heaven bearing in mind that those men and women God raises up for our edification are but instruments and servants of His for that respective purpose to which He has called them,
to no longer seek to align ourselves with the things of darkness but only with the things of the light,
to no longer trust in the wisdom of the world but only on the wisdom and knowledge that comes from above, (Jas. 1:5) nor depend on corruptible earthly authorities to swiftly administer justice, but only in the power of God to deliver us from evil.
 
And it is this new inward transformation that reconciles us to our Creator (2 Cor. 5:18) from whom we had once been estranged and just as our souls are cleansed from sin and our spirits regenerated in Christ Jesus thereby liberating us from the eternal tormenting punishment that must come upon all who remain in their sins and it is this very change, if received by enough people, that potentially can bring about a change for the better in entire households in the manner of how they are run and maintained, and from there, the nature and condition of entire neighborhoods, communities, states/provinces, and entire nations, which then will have an impact and an affect upon the course of the culture and society; how education is taught, how businesses and corporations are operated, how news is reported, the quality and nature of entertainment that is produced, and finally how politics and civic governance are conducted.
 
What the Devil destroys, God is in the business of either restoring or replacing and that includes our relationships and especially our marriages and if you are looking for peace and restoration and if you will allow Him to, God is able and willing to bring a restoration and a peace that cannot come by way of anything else.  You only have to call upon Him to restore peace, joy, and happiness to you again and if you have not done so already, I would urge you reader to call upon the name of the Lord Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of sins so that you may find the peace that you otherwise might not have.  It is just a simple prayer of repentance away:
 
 
 
"Lord Jesus I need you.
 
 
I realize that I am a sinner
who has fallen short of the glory of God
and that my goodness falls short
of your standard of Moral perfection.
 
Please forgive me of all of my sins.
Come into my heart and into my life
to be the Savior and Lord of my life.
Make me into the servant and follower
that you want me to be.
In your name Lord Jesus, I pray.
 
 
Amen."
 
 
Know that God is not concerned with the words that you use to call upon Him forgiveness, but with the attitude of your heart and if you have, with all sincerity, have asked Christ to forgive you of your sins, placing your trust in Him only for your salvation and in nothing else, then your sins are forgiven and your place in Heaven is certain.
 
 
 
End notes:
 
 
 
1.  Vivek Singh, “Green Flags To See In A Girl Before Dating,” News Of X, July 10, 2024
https://newsofx2.com/2024/07/10/green-flags-to-see-in-a-girl-before-dating/
 
2-11. Ibid.
 
 
 
Scripture references:
 
 
 
1.  Proverbs 17:17
 
2.  Genesis 1:26
 
3.  Genesis 2:16-17,3:3
 
4.  Isaiah 14:11-21, Ezekiel 28:12-19
 
5.  Genesis 3:4-5
 
6.  Genesis 3:7
 
7.  Genesis 3:19
 
8.  Romans 5:12
 
9.  Romans 6:23
 
10.  Matthew 15:11, 17-20
 
11.  John 8:44
 
12.  Genesis 1:26
 
13.  Matthew 4:8-9, Luke 4:6-7
 
14.  John 12:31, 16:11
 
15.  Romans 8:19-22
 
16.  John 10:10
 
17.  Romans 3:23
 
18.  2 Peter 3:9
 
19.  John 3:16
 
20.  John 1:1
 
21.  John 1:14
 
22.  2 Corinthians 5:21, Hebrews 4:15
 
23.  Romans 4:25
 
24.  Romans 10:9, 13
 
25.  2 Corinthians 5:17
 
26.  Matthew 6:33
 
27.  John 14:6
 
28.  Revelation 21-22
 
29.  Matthew 6:25-33
 
30.  Matthew 10:28
 
31.  James 5:1
 
32.  2 Corinthians 5:18